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12/28/2018
Meggi
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Meggi
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24
At the Institute for Harmlessness Warranty
"Hello, Mrs. Petersen-Amoabeng! I'm glad you made such good progress and had an appointment today. The retail trade is already keen to finally get our 'Juke Joint'..."
"Stop! Just that name... Don't say that out there! Here we are, fortunately, among ourselves."
"Well, the smell was supposed to be the thought of a simple, pithy Southern pub..."
"Forget it! There's smoking, drinking, playing and what-know-what else... We shortened the name to juke. Later, we come to the olfactory part: All the incorrect aromas they had mixed into their design: tobacco, whisky, human beings and animalisms - all of them are on the black list of PEGIDOFA and..."
"The what?!?"
"PEGIDOFA: 'Professionelle Ethikbesorgte gegen Irrwege durch olfaktorische Fehl-Anreize', an association affiliated to the 'Institut für gesellschaftsentwicklungssteuernde Soziologie der Freien Universität Berlin'. Uh, where was I? Oh, yes, animalisms. Well, we have completely removed the corresponding aromas. Instead...but just smell it yourself!"
*sniff* "Hm, smells somehow... flowery-sweetish, also a hint bitter. Actually quite...nice..."
"Exactly! This is Champaka. You should make friends with the fragrance note, because it generally doesn't touch anything. It is the first pillar of the revised concept. The second main component is honey. Also completely unsuspicious. On the contrary - you could even use this as an opportunity to draw attention to the bee mortality in your marketing text."
"Hm. Right, sounds a bit one-dimensional, unfortunately..."
"The two main actors are, of course, accompanied by others. At the beginning we have placed a sporty indoor swimming citrus candy. After all, it is well known that people in Germany do not move enough, as recently confirmed by the Bundesverband der Orthopäden e. V. (Federal Association of Orthopaedists) in a large-scale study series. Yes, and after that the mentioned Champaka appears. In this phase, the fragrance is reminiscent of jasmine tea, flanked by sugar-candied bitter orange - these are references to the beginnings of the peace movement and to the good old Third World shops, hach.... The whole thing is surrounded by an airy green aura. Green' is always to be recommended in every respect, that hardly needs further explanation."
"Hardly..."
"At noon the honey takes over and gradually leads the scent into a wildflower honey candy appearance, which is practically residue-free after ten hours at the latest."
"And you think that this guarantees that all possible difficulties will be excluded? We can't afford another disaster like the one we had last time. When I think back to the homophobic Shitstorm of our Vetiverylacetat perfume 'Ernie and Bert'..."
"We guarantee uninterrupted harmlessness. This is what our expert network stands for: The EU Ethics Council, Cardinal Marx, Claudia Roth and many others have all confirmed to us in writing that there are no objections on their part."
"Well, not much is left of our juke joint..."
"Shh! Do you even realize that... *Volume 20dB down* ...'Juke joint'... *Volume 20dB up* ...an establishment especially for... *Volume 20dB down* ...African-American... *Volume 20dB up* labeled? In such a delicate case, where despite the shortened name to 'Juke' resourceful people could track down the originally intended thought, we have obtained an additional certificate from the Amadeu Antonio Foundation to be on the safe side. In short: Now you can set up your bar in Disneyland without worrying."
"Well, then I guess nothing can go wrong. Please send us the new formula by e-mail."
"Um... WE only use green electricity generated in our own biogas plant for our IT - which, by the way, you are welcome to write in the small print about the fragrance. But what about your systems? Well? You'll get our pigeon with the papers tomorrow morning. Thank you very much for your trust!"
"Stop! Just that name... Don't say that out there! Here we are, fortunately, among ourselves."
"Well, the smell was supposed to be the thought of a simple, pithy Southern pub..."
"Forget it! There's smoking, drinking, playing and what-know-what else... We shortened the name to juke. Later, we come to the olfactory part: All the incorrect aromas they had mixed into their design: tobacco, whisky, human beings and animalisms - all of them are on the black list of PEGIDOFA and..."
"The what?!?"
"PEGIDOFA: 'Professionelle Ethikbesorgte gegen Irrwege durch olfaktorische Fehl-Anreize', an association affiliated to the 'Institut für gesellschaftsentwicklungssteuernde Soziologie der Freien Universität Berlin'. Uh, where was I? Oh, yes, animalisms. Well, we have completely removed the corresponding aromas. Instead...but just smell it yourself!"
*sniff* "Hm, smells somehow... flowery-sweetish, also a hint bitter. Actually quite...nice..."
"Exactly! This is Champaka. You should make friends with the fragrance note, because it generally doesn't touch anything. It is the first pillar of the revised concept. The second main component is honey. Also completely unsuspicious. On the contrary - you could even use this as an opportunity to draw attention to the bee mortality in your marketing text."
"Hm. Right, sounds a bit one-dimensional, unfortunately..."
"The two main actors are, of course, accompanied by others. At the beginning we have placed a sporty indoor swimming citrus candy. After all, it is well known that people in Germany do not move enough, as recently confirmed by the Bundesverband der Orthopäden e. V. (Federal Association of Orthopaedists) in a large-scale study series. Yes, and after that the mentioned Champaka appears. In this phase, the fragrance is reminiscent of jasmine tea, flanked by sugar-candied bitter orange - these are references to the beginnings of the peace movement and to the good old Third World shops, hach.... The whole thing is surrounded by an airy green aura. Green' is always to be recommended in every respect, that hardly needs further explanation."
"Hardly..."
"At noon the honey takes over and gradually leads the scent into a wildflower honey candy appearance, which is practically residue-free after ten hours at the latest."
"And you think that this guarantees that all possible difficulties will be excluded? We can't afford another disaster like the one we had last time. When I think back to the homophobic Shitstorm of our Vetiverylacetat perfume 'Ernie and Bert'..."
"We guarantee uninterrupted harmlessness. This is what our expert network stands for: The EU Ethics Council, Cardinal Marx, Claudia Roth and many others have all confirmed to us in writing that there are no objections on their part."
"Well, not much is left of our juke joint..."
"Shh! Do you even realize that... *Volume 20dB down* ...'Juke joint'... *Volume 20dB up* ...an establishment especially for... *Volume 20dB down* ...African-American... *Volume 20dB up* labeled? In such a delicate case, where despite the shortened name to 'Juke' resourceful people could track down the originally intended thought, we have obtained an additional certificate from the Amadeu Antonio Foundation to be on the safe side. In short: Now you can set up your bar in Disneyland without worrying."
"Well, then I guess nothing can go wrong. Please send us the new formula by e-mail."
"Um... WE only use green electricity generated in our own biogas plant for our IT - which, by the way, you are welcome to write in the small print about the fragrance. But what about your systems? Well? You'll get our pigeon with the papers tomorrow morning. Thank you very much for your trust!"
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