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12/03/2023
Maxcorn
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Maxcorn
6
Remorse at the end
It should be a nice evening. The boys have asked if I want to go out again and it's been far too long since I've been out properly anyway. The clothes fit, sporty and casual. Everything else doesn't suit me anyway. Every attempt to dress more maturely has failed. Two splashes of Ralph's Club on my neck, public transport, the ride to my buddy's flat share. Greeting at the door, a blonde smiles at me in a friendly way. A little flat-share sit-in with a pre-glow. I don't know her, but I think she's great. Do I think she thinks I'm great too? There's a lot to be said for it. Hugs, kisses left and right. She smells great. Big city night, going out to party later. I grab a beer. The sweet note of Ralph's Club stings my nose with the first sip of beer and I imagine that the women love the scent. The blonde goes for a smoke. I stop smoking and follow her out onto the balcony, bumming a cigarette. The others are all talking, I make bad small talk, a few half-baked jokes. We stand close to each other and look into the distance. She says "You smell good". An hour or two later, I'm drinking my fourth beer. The mystical sweetness has evaporated, all that remains is intrusive synthetics. We go further into the club, the blonde has left in the meantime. The guys are standing around me. I'm drunk and dissatisfied, accidentally bump into a guy next to me, who pushes me back. A clear thought. I have to end this tragedy and collect my jacket from the checkroom. Outside the door, I deny myself a cigarette. I don't actually smoke. Actually, I don't like partying either. Subway ride home. I wake up in the morning with a hangover. Remorse, alcohol, guilt. I was a pushy guy with pushy perfume. My lungs are scratchy, I have to cough. The remnants of last night come up, I gasp for air. The remnants of Ralph's club squeeze through my nostrils as I inhale, so unsolicited and insensitive. I want to change, take a headache pill and get in the shower.
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