03/30/2024
NuiWhakakore
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NuiWhakakore
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Dragons are also just rodents
I want to tell you something now and I hope you are tough, or stop reading right now, because some truths hurt: the Easter bunny doesn't exist!
It makes sense, how is one little bunny supposed to hide all those Easter eggs? Of course, there is much more than just one Easter bunny. I'm not allowed to say exactly how many, because the ZOK is strict about that, but you can take a look at the mountains of Easter eggs yourself and then do the math - more than one, I'm just saying.
But there is a special Easter bunny. His name is Löffler and he's good, always has been, the best. He's also severely depressed because he hasn't had a job for years. His hiding places are just too good, no one has ever found them and let's be honest, that's not the point.
This year, however, the ZOK has a special idea, something progressive for the people, not always just chocolate eggs, because let's be honest, it would be healthier without. After much deliberation and after the problem has been gnawed on from all sides, the solution is clear: a fragrance. It has to be sweet, of course, to show its proximity to the chocolate eggs, but also much healthier. The goods come cheaply from a combine of the friendly BSM and all is well until the AQöP vetoes them. The members sniffed it out. Their report reads like this:
'...there is a suspicion that the necessary care in the area of personal hygiene is not being taken in BSM's production facilities. Witness statements prove that some comrades defecated directly into the product. The fruit extracts used are most probably from Symrise. This is forgivable as they are only slightly sour and not individually recognizable. What cannot be forgiven, however, is the complete absence of carrots, a clear violation of the product specifications. The caramel is about to be burnt. The BSM statement mentions roasted aromas, which implies an intention that is doubtful. Unfortunately, the addition of sun cream is not mentioned. In conclusion, it should be noted that only the requirement of excessive sweetness was met, if not exceeded.'
Now that's a problem, you can't give it to anyone, not even the class enemy. But luckily there's Löffler. He now has a job again and he still knows the best hiding places and no one will find the scents and everyone will be happy, really everyone...
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So far I know three fragrances from YS Uzac, all of which were more or less funny. This one is also more or less fun, if you find animalic, fruity, creamy and really exuberant sweetness fun. The animalic is the first problem: it is too soft, reminiscent of a pet shop with small rodents. Guinea pigs, hamsters and rabbits come to mind; not rabbits, they are already too big and wild. Just cute little animals and the sweet fruits, which also have a slightly sour note but are not individually recognizable, fit in well with this. A multivitamin effervescent tablet comes to mind (second problem). Initially weak, they become stronger and sweeter over time.
When the caramel is used, it starts to get disgusting. It has been in the pot for too long, is already very dark around the edges and about to smoke (first disaster). It gets a little sweeter, which, as we all know, never hurts. It is rounded off with creamy notes, although I'm not thinking of sun cream here, but of those fruit dessert powders that are mixed with water or milk (second disaster). I think they were around in the 90s and were disgusting. The gentle petting zoo animality remains throughout. At least it doesn't last super long and isn't quite as loud.
As I said, the whole thing is half funny. Half because everything is gruesome, but not gruesome enough. I just assume that this wasn't supposed to be a perfume, but a provocative concept and it's just too gentle and not provocative enough for that. It wouldn't necessarily be any better with animalism from a large animal enclosure, half-fermented fruit and burning caramel, but it would be a lot more fun.
I hope an Easter bunny brings you chocolate Easter eggs, it's clearly the better choice.
-------------------
ZOK: Central Easter Bunny Committee. Yes, Easter bunnies are communists and yet they distribute Kraft and Mondelez eggs. Easter bunnies also need foreign currency, carrots are expensive. The world is complex and contradictory, deal with it.
BSM: Federation of Socialist Guinea Pigs. Yes, them too.
AQöP: Committee for Quality Assurance of Austrian Products
It makes sense, how is one little bunny supposed to hide all those Easter eggs? Of course, there is much more than just one Easter bunny. I'm not allowed to say exactly how many, because the ZOK is strict about that, but you can take a look at the mountains of Easter eggs yourself and then do the math - more than one, I'm just saying.
But there is a special Easter bunny. His name is Löffler and he's good, always has been, the best. He's also severely depressed because he hasn't had a job for years. His hiding places are just too good, no one has ever found them and let's be honest, that's not the point.
This year, however, the ZOK has a special idea, something progressive for the people, not always just chocolate eggs, because let's be honest, it would be healthier without. After much deliberation and after the problem has been gnawed on from all sides, the solution is clear: a fragrance. It has to be sweet, of course, to show its proximity to the chocolate eggs, but also much healthier. The goods come cheaply from a combine of the friendly BSM and all is well until the AQöP vetoes them. The members sniffed it out. Their report reads like this:
'...there is a suspicion that the necessary care in the area of personal hygiene is not being taken in BSM's production facilities. Witness statements prove that some comrades defecated directly into the product. The fruit extracts used are most probably from Symrise. This is forgivable as they are only slightly sour and not individually recognizable. What cannot be forgiven, however, is the complete absence of carrots, a clear violation of the product specifications. The caramel is about to be burnt. The BSM statement mentions roasted aromas, which implies an intention that is doubtful. Unfortunately, the addition of sun cream is not mentioned. In conclusion, it should be noted that only the requirement of excessive sweetness was met, if not exceeded.'
Now that's a problem, you can't give it to anyone, not even the class enemy. But luckily there's Löffler. He now has a job again and he still knows the best hiding places and no one will find the scents and everyone will be happy, really everyone...
-------------------
So far I know three fragrances from YS Uzac, all of which were more or less funny. This one is also more or less fun, if you find animalic, fruity, creamy and really exuberant sweetness fun. The animalic is the first problem: it is too soft, reminiscent of a pet shop with small rodents. Guinea pigs, hamsters and rabbits come to mind; not rabbits, they are already too big and wild. Just cute little animals and the sweet fruits, which also have a slightly sour note but are not individually recognizable, fit in well with this. A multivitamin effervescent tablet comes to mind (second problem). Initially weak, they become stronger and sweeter over time.
When the caramel is used, it starts to get disgusting. It has been in the pot for too long, is already very dark around the edges and about to smoke (first disaster). It gets a little sweeter, which, as we all know, never hurts. It is rounded off with creamy notes, although I'm not thinking of sun cream here, but of those fruit dessert powders that are mixed with water or milk (second disaster). I think they were around in the 90s and were disgusting. The gentle petting zoo animality remains throughout. At least it doesn't last super long and isn't quite as loud.
As I said, the whole thing is half funny. Half because everything is gruesome, but not gruesome enough. I just assume that this wasn't supposed to be a perfume, but a provocative concept and it's just too gentle and not provocative enough for that. It wouldn't necessarily be any better with animalism from a large animal enclosure, half-fermented fruit and burning caramel, but it would be a lot more fun.
I hope an Easter bunny brings you chocolate Easter eggs, it's clearly the better choice.
-------------------
ZOK: Central Easter Bunny Committee. Yes, Easter bunnies are communists and yet they distribute Kraft and Mondelez eggs. Easter bunnies also need foreign currency, carrots are expensive. The world is complex and contradictory, deal with it.
BSM: Federation of Socialist Guinea Pigs. Yes, them too.
AQöP: Committee for Quality Assurance of Austrian Products
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