Odysseus

I live ABOVE the Penthouse.
My 2 cents are worth $37 and change.
I once parallel parked a train.
Bigfoot tries to capture photos of ME.
My point of view is panoramic.
I know who let the dogs out.
I bowl overhand.
I once made a weeping willow laugh.
My business card simply says "I'll call you."
I once taught a German Shepherd to bark in Spanish.
When a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, I hear it.
My tears can cure cancer. Too bad I never cry.
I once won a staring contest with my own reflection.
I never say something tastes like chicken - not even chicken.
I can speak Russian... in French.
My signature won a Pulitzer.
I actually know Victoria's Secret, but I won't tell anybody what it is.
I live vicariously through myself.
I have taught old dogs a variety of new tricks.
I once warned a psychic.
Alien abductors have asked me to probe THEM.
My personality is so magnetic, I am unable to carry credit cards.
My organ donation card also lists my beard.