UniNoUtaUniNoUta's Perfume Reviews

11 - 15 of 17
UniNoUta 2 years ago
3.5
Scent
5
Longevity
5
Sillage
5
Bottle

No thanks
A five-year old chewing a big sticky wad of Fruit Stripe gum jumps into your lap and breathes heavily in your face.

If you find that appealing, you’re really gonna love Floraiku's One Umbrella For Two.

UniNoUta 2 years ago 1
3
Scent
8
Longevity
6
Sillage
6
Bottle

The sadness of creeping middle age and the folly of youth, together at last.
Madison, a college freshman at NYU, is stuck going to dinner with her recently-divorced uncle Gary. She's not thrilled about it since it's a Friday night and she'd rather be hanging out with her friends, but it's a free meal at what sounds like a nice restaurant. She's going to try and catch up with her friends after at a party, because this cute boy Zach from her Sociology class will be there, and she wants to flirt with him, and hopefully Katey doesn't get there before her because she knows she has the same idea. She sprays on a hefty dose of Demeter Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Kisses, layering it over a short spray of Demeter Vanilla Cake Batter.

Gary is a childless divorced pharmaceutical rep who's re-entering the dating scene. He's in his early fifties, and twenty years of marriage has caused him to sag a little around the middle. He hasn't quite started losing his hair yet, but he checks obsessively every day. He makes good money, so he bought some new clothes that he thinks make him look a little younger. He's an easy mark for attractive salespeople, and was convinced to get a couple new colognes at Bergdorf Goodman. He went right to the more expensive brands, the kind with stuff like oud, hyrax, and ambergris, which he thought smelled really sexy and deep at the store.

He's taking his niece out for dinner, not that he really wants to but he does every now and then as a favor to his sister, and he's developed a bit of a crush on this one hostess at Vanities, the new Evan Kiley bistro in Tribeca, so it's an excuse to make a reservation there. He's trying to think of what to say to make it clear, but in a casual, tossed off and not forced way, that Madison is his niece and not his date, because the hostess might think it was creepy that a guy his age was out with a 19 year old girl. He puts a spritz of one of his new colognes on his wrists and puts on some of his new clothes.

On the subway to the restaurant, he begins to think maybe his new cologne smells like poop.

By the time he gets there he thinks that maybe he has too much on, and gets a little paranoid that others can smell it far away. But it was really expensive so it must be nice, right? Maybe he's overreacting. Luckily he's there a good ten minutes early, so he tells the hostess he's waiting for his niece (whew! that was easy!) while he gets a drink at the bar. Some cocktail with Bourbon and Canton's Ginger Liqueur. It's very sweet.

When Madison gets to the restaurant, she sees her Uncle Gary wearing a shirt that seems way too young for him over at the bar. He's nice but it's a little creepy. "I hope no thinks I'm his date" she worries to herself. She gives him a hug and thinks he smells a little like sweet poop. It's not quite off-putting but it's weird.

Jeremy is a 28 year old actor in NYC, but he makes good tips as a waiter at Vanities, that new Evan Kiley place in Tribeca, and as one of the more experienced waiters in the initial hirings he got the cushy weekend high-tip shifts. He's really good at his job, always professional, never drinks or gets high before a shift, naturally very attentive to the customers in his section and even other people's sections. He'll move up to Maitre D' eventually. He's waiting in the wings while Becca, the hostess, seats a middle-aged guy who's been in a couple times before. He's got a young girl with him, and he wonders if she's an escort. Good if that's the case, since last time he was in he was alone, eating at the bar, and it seemed like he might have been ogling Becca a little. Yeah, Becca's attractive - she and Jeremy even made out one night, after a long bout of after-shift drinking, but then she fell asleep on his couch and they didn't do anything and they just laughed about it the next day, and even though they never did that again they became good friends and he keeps an eye out for her at work, especially when creepy middle aged guys hit on her.

After Becca seats them she flashes him the signal that they asked for tap, not sparkling. He tries to remember the guy's name as he fills the carafe, since he's a return customer - Greg, maybe? - he checks the reservation app before he goes over - GARY! That's right. He was close. "G" names. There are some notes on him in the app. Allergic to walnuts.

"Hi, welcome back!" he says, as he leans over the table to fill their glasses.

And somewhere, in the negative space he entered between them, the air was charged with Hershey's Kisses, ginger liqueur breath, and... diapers?

And in that space, in Jeremy the Actor's nostrils, Mxxx by Eris was born.
1 Reply

UniNoUta 2 years ago
8
Scent
6
Longevity
6
Sillage
5
Bottle

Unique and artistic, yet easy to wear
It's like a big bruiser pulling up outside a bar on a motorcycle, and you think maybe he's there for a Budweiser and a fight but then he orders a hipster microbrew and chats you up and it turns out he's a professor of English Literature, and he and his wife run a Bed & Breakfast on the weekends.

Quite original without being alienating (as Han's "Against Nature" can be) - Beautiful work. Love it.

As many have noted, it literally smells like a highway at first... hot tar, rubber tire friction on asphalt, a little exhaust...

Then there's citrus going on - I get bergamot more than lemon, and there's a hint of vanilla rounding it out, taking the sharper acidic edge off. Really well-balanced stuff. The pointed lack of any floral notes gives it a stoic, masculine quality, but that citrus and wee hint of lavender keeps it from being too self-serious.

UniNoUta 2 years ago
8
Scent
8
Longevity
7
Sillage
5
Bottle

A neon herb garden
A big blast of green upfront, with those coppery metallic notes not far behind. The green isn't a lush, mossy one though, but something harder. Think sclerophyllous plants that can thrive in dry conditions, like bay, acacia leaf, eucalyptus.

The metal... fusebox wiring, burnt out lightbulbs, pennies. It pushes it in the masculine direction for sure. Within a few seconds there's citrus, balancing it all out. Imagine a wild garden in the middle of an industrial scrapyard on a hot summer day, and you're on the right track. I find there's a good balance here.

Keep in mind, some people HATE this one. It's those metal notes. You may love it but your significant other might be put off. Definitely one to test before buying blind.

UniNoUta 2 years ago 1
5
Scent
7
Longevity
7
Sillage
6
Bottle

I guess someone thought this was interesting.
The Goodsir website describes it as "RADICAL / MYSTICAL / STATEMENT" - wow! That sounds really exciting!

Er, none of the above. Okay, maybe it smells a touch mystical, but "mystical" in the way the apartment of that chick you know who claims to be a wiccan priestess (but by day she's an office assistant for a cosmetic dentist) smells.

It's perfectly nice. Incense, a little campfire smoke, sweet booze and amber... You've smelled it before, even if you've never smelled it before. Perfectly nice, perfectly uninteresting, far more more commonplace than it thinks it is, just like the wiccan priestess.

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